Meanwhile, I haven't competed since the ISU Adult competition in Germany in May of 2009. And I feel really guilty when I say this but -- I honestly don't miss it. I didn't even miss it when I went to watch my best friend compete at the 2014 Adult Nationals. I didn't even have a twinge to step out on that ice. And it made me kind of sad. Back in the day, when I'd go see Stars on Ice or Michelle Kwan skate in Champions on Ice, the first thing I would feel after the show ended was the itch to get onto the ice myself. Had I brought my skates with me to the show, the security guards would have been hard pressed to keep me from jumping on the show ice once the skaters left the building. I'd search for photos of my favorite costumes online and wonder how I might be able to get something similar made for myself. When skaters -- especially Michelle -- used music I fell in love with and wanted to skate to, I'd go to the ends of the earth to find a copy.
Now? Well, I love watching the skaters and enjoy the show (and obsessively rewatch some of my favorite programs on youtube with the British Eurosport commentators only). And that's about it. The only time I have that 'itch' to compete or even get on the ice is when I think of how much fun I had ice dancing with my son's now-secondary ice dance coach, something I had to give up so he could use the time and the $ for his own skills.
Someday, when my son's own competitive journey is over, I know I'll get my Meryl/Tessa moment and do a free dance to music I pick and that I love. I'm proud of what I was able to accomplish as an adult singles skater at Nationals and the ISU Adult event, and that I was able to achieve all the goals I set out to do when I first started skating. But I also feel like I'm done. And surprisingly I think I am ok with that.
